Waiting for her

There is this breathlessness that I feel when I wait for her.  Sometimes in that moment I chase you faster in my head. Sometimes I can't contain myself and I get up halfway so I can have you quicker. Here plainly in our element we are still lost in each other. I don't care if my kisses are embarrassing because it might lead to your voice changing or better yet laughing.

Eastern standard time

Are you infinity? I asked her as I saw her for the first time.

The light was on and there I was 2 feet away from the knock that would bring her from threshold to handhold. From image to existence. You have an idea about something. An idea about someone. I think I'd say that I coveted her. Covet like warmth in winter, covet like fire needs air.

Florence

I hear you in her fierceness 

The cinematic landscape that illuminates the inner workings of my brain.

Say my name.

Music reminded me

I listened to this song again

To remind myself of the of the pain again

This time it was more personal

This time it was real

I told myself that the distance and the reasons were the best part

That we could overcome this together

We are that good

She was that great

Maybe it’s my fault for putting her on that pedestal

Maybe it’s my fault for not trying harder

But I didn’t do this

Not to her

Not now

I am in love

I am lost

I am angry

I am hurt

Is that karma that knocks on my front door?

It must be revenge that looms over me now

The devil rubs his hands together and laughs

That is the only way that this is possible

That I must remember to breathe

That I shiver at the thought

 At him touching her

That I have been waiting so long for this

I was standing on a rug that was pulled out from underneath me

I don’t know how else to be

If she ever reads this I am sorry baby

I love you

You are home to me but I ask you to understand my madness

My skepticism and my confusion

I know you give me truth

I know you don’t try to hurt me

I JUST DON’T WANT TO WAIT

Please understand me when I say this to you

I know that we, what we are

God bless the potential that our chemistry has shown

I want you

I want to dance with you at sunset

I want to wake up with you at sunrise

I am angry again

I say things I shouldn’t

I cuss and rant and rave

I will never shake you

My shadow and my soul

My everlasting breath

We are not finished

Merely delayed.

Come home

Hurry up

Take care

Take time

But not too much

Because this world is vast

I am lost without you

My compass for direction

My air to breathe

Her laughter my medicine

My love.

Transition to fall

I fell into her slowly, it was autumn and you could hear the rain outside.

Every moment felt better than the last every inch of her a world unto itself. beginning at her ears, passed the subtle curve of her neck, to her shoulders as I felt her exhale. 

Coma

Let me slip into this jacket , we'll call it coma as we drove past this place where decisions were made let's taste the perfection of 1000 times, solute the thought process that told you there's more than just love. A paragraph attained and a sentence unfinished, yet there it sits on the tip of your tongue....I turn down the radio...something about Man

On the Side, Johnny M is shoutin about unfinished business again. I delve further still into this mud, constantly reminding myself that Orchids grow here too. I whisper in your ear again, like late nights in your car, a front seat story to pass the time. We came so easy and maybe that's the problem, because with simplicity you have to create controversy. I ask you...why can't love be love. Isn't love uncontrollable laughter? Isn't loving preparing yourself for the reaction that other person creates in you by stepping into a room? Isn't love losing two hours in 5 minutes? Isn't love music shared? Isn't love passion personified? Weren't we that?

Previous days

In the world of my heart 

You'll find pictures of her

Posted on telephone poles

Claiming her to be lost

I wander these streets

A stranger in my hometown

Hoping against hope

That she looks for me

As I look for her

I cannot sleep

For it is a cruel mistress

To be teased in dreams

Each block seems endless 

But I shall scour these streets for her

For she is love, light, home

I am but a novel

And she is my beginning, my middle, my end.