Music reminded me

I listened to this song again

To remind myself of the of the pain again

This time it was more personal

This time it was real

I told myself that the distance and the reasons were the best part

That we could overcome this together

We are that good

She was that great

Maybe it’s my fault for putting her on that pedestal

Maybe it’s my fault for not trying harder

But I didn’t do this

Not to her

Not now

I am in love

I am lost

I am angry

I am hurt

Is that karma that knocks on my front door?

It must be revenge that looms over me now

The devil rubs his hands together and laughs

That is the only way that this is possible

That I must remember to breathe

That I shiver at the thought

 At him touching her

That I have been waiting so long for this

I was standing on a rug that was pulled out from underneath me

I don’t know how else to be

If she ever reads this I am sorry baby

I love you

You are home to me but I ask you to understand my madness

My skepticism and my confusion

I know you give me truth

I know you don’t try to hurt me

I JUST DON’T WANT TO WAIT

Please understand me when I say this to you

I know that we, what we are

God bless the potential that our chemistry has shown

I want you

I want to dance with you at sunset

I want to wake up with you at sunrise

I am angry again

I say things I shouldn’t

I cuss and rant and rave

I will never shake you

My shadow and my soul

My everlasting breath

We are not finished

Merely delayed.

Come home

Hurry up

Take care

Take time

But not too much

Because this world is vast

I am lost without you

My compass for direction

My air to breathe

Her laughter my medicine

My love.

Transition to fall

I fell into her slowly, it was autumn and you could hear the rain outside.

Every moment felt better than the last every inch of her a world unto itself. beginning at her ears, passed the subtle curve of her neck, to her shoulders as I felt her exhale. 

Coma

Let me slip into this jacket , we'll call it coma as we drove past this place where decisions were made let's taste the perfection of 1000 times, solute the thought process that told you there's more than just love. A paragraph attained and a sentence unfinished, yet there it sits on the tip of your tongue....I turn down the radio...something about Man

On the Side, Johnny M is shoutin about unfinished business again. I delve further still into this mud, constantly reminding myself that Orchids grow here too. I whisper in your ear again, like late nights in your car, a front seat story to pass the time. We came so easy and maybe that's the problem, because with simplicity you have to create controversy. I ask you...why can't love be love. Isn't love uncontrollable laughter? Isn't loving preparing yourself for the reaction that other person creates in you by stepping into a room? Isn't love losing two hours in 5 minutes? Isn't love music shared? Isn't love passion personified? Weren't we that?

Previous days

In the world of my heart 

You'll find pictures of her

Posted on telephone poles

Claiming her to be lost

I wander these streets

A stranger in my hometown

Hoping against hope

That she looks for me

As I look for her

I cannot sleep

For it is a cruel mistress

To be teased in dreams

Each block seems endless 

But I shall scour these streets for her

For she is love, light, home

I am but a novel

And she is my beginning, my middle, my end.

Horizons

I can only walk closer to you.

You are forever my horizon

Beyond what I know already

I believe you are there

My mystery unravelled 

I think I already know you

But here I sit, still waiting

Forever has no timetable 

Like a good wine

My love grows stronger with age

I want your hand in mine

To taste your lips

Feel your skin

I will wait

Perfection personified. 

Lamontagne

Talk to me about what is forbidden and I'll tell you of the way she tastes. Pinot noir. Cabernet at dusk. The veranda of a lost cafe. She leaves things. Strewn about my apartment haphazardly are the remnants of a strip search set to Lamontagne . Enveloped in blankets and lit by candle light, smooth skin and chestnut hair frame eyes that sparkle in the flame. She wakes me with a ballet dancers twist of her wrists, we rise and I ask her sotto voce...can...we ..dance? 

Fleeting memory.

Understand that with every breath

I remember something else about you

Enchanted, I dive face first into the pillow that still smells like your hair.

 

My goodness your hair.

That will always be the first thing I think of.

10 second reminder

It's because I've dreamed of kissing you 1,000 times that will make the first time sweeter.

Artist

With a fastidious nature usually reserved for an artist such as a painter or sculptor, I put together the pieces of us that go in my heart. The 100 percent is broken up in categories and by those I mean dates, conversations, the all day sex sessions, the laughter, the inside jokes, the first time, the most recent one, our arguments, our make ups, the painstaking realizations, moments of ecstasy, night time, day time, sunsets, your infinite loathing of sunrises and my matching love for them because they're earned. I bundle all of it up in a basket and ask you to understand that I know that most of it hasn't happened yet. But I want it to.

Tom Hanks

It is I that hold the greatest expectations when it comes to your kiss. It's honestly what has sustained me all these days and nights out here alone. 

Certain but uncertain

It was in the beginning that you took my breath away

With kisses that bent nature.

We had and still do have

An affinity for handholding

The dress clung to you

In ways that made me jealous

Your hair hid a part of your dimples

But the evening sky gave them away

I was into you from the first moment

From the 50/50 kiss across the table

You are genuine

You are pure

Truth in a small package

I come to you at times your humble servant

And at others a lion trying to keep the wolves at bay

I come to you tired

I come to you restless

Because my compass always points to you as home

I believe in your heart that I am there with a smile on my face

Because I know when mine is unlocked and the door left open,

Passersby’s will see a framed picture of you hanging in my living room

My soul is my soul mate

I venture to say

That neither of us knows where the journey takes us

But as often times we do

We reach out into thin air

One hand is met by another

And we walk forward uncertain

But certain of each other.

The flutter of the heart

Your voice is the warm breath that escapes in winter and doesn't freeze.

I am tempted by you constantly and in different ways.

It comes on as tides do by day and night.

You individually seize me.

A personal heart attack comes over me until I find you in the dark.

Your naked warmth reassures me that we are alive. That it is morning.

So begins another day with you.

Am

In the morning I see you as you are. 
Naked and content.
Framed by sunlight and the white of our sheets.
I see the freckles.
I see the sliver of your eyes as they resist opening and beginning anew our struggles.
I see a full fledged woman bathed in potential. 
Her nuances are my favorite.
The groan. The shuffle. The pouty lips. Savage curls.
I take the mental photograph and smile.
I find her on the couch, brightening the masterpiece that is her face.
Fidgeting as she eats. Her toes sticking out. Wiggling and brightly painted with the colorful vibrancy of summer.
Mornings may not be her favorite, but they are mine.
It is the lucky ones that get to see the conductor prepare for the symphony. 

Saw her walking

Her eyes exploded onto the scene and in that moment I was lost forever.